Breakthrough

I have been staying alone for FOUR months now, and seriously life teaches a lot of lessons. I'm so sure that as I get back home I am going to be a different person in terms of outlook, confidence and maturity. I have seen and met so many different 'species' of people here who also in a way make me realise of what I am and who I deserve to be. I have indeed become more positive towards life and I have definitely become calm.

But I'm slightly baffled and bored out here especially because all my friends are away home. And I am here, listening to people's fantasies and burdens (which obviously have nothing to do with them). Sometimes I wish Nishant was here, so I could talk the way I want to and just speak nonsense......LOL, even the thought of it makes me laugh. He is one friend I don't ever wanna lose, he is indeed my best friend since 7-8 years now. hope it stays forever. cheers buddy!!

I am bugged here but I still like it coz I spend time with myself and watch loads of movies and hear lots of good music, I even do a lil jig at times. hehe. I don't wanna crib and complain about spending time in Stirling, as this is the only thing left in the world for some folks out here. It just makes me pull my tongue out. I love Stirling, I chose to leave my country and come here. Learn to Live.

Anyways, I forgot to mention my London and Cardiff trip, I will write all about it in my next post.

cheers mates!!

Forgotten

This is one thing I never wanted to happen. My Blog has become so lame, hardly write up and I hardly visit it. Ahh. No, I'm not going to let this happen. I will revamp it and I will keep coming back to it to update it. Yes!!

Maybe it will be changed after this post. Anyways, Sooooo I'm in London, big deal!!! But hey London's cool, all that's missing is people. I don't have anyone to see London with but I've still managed somehow. One can go crazy with shopping here, that is if you're a rich dads kid or if you own the Bank of England. But I shopped, loads of stuff and now I don't have extra bags to carry it all the way to Stirling. I wanna show Neha everything I shopped!!

After been shopping I have realised one thing that I have become a bag-a-holic, i just love bags now. I own 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, oh fuckerrr sevenn bags nowww. shit. But in my defense I had got 3 from India. the last one I bought (ie, today) was H&M and its pink and its cuteee!! I was so chirpyy the entire day. Also I have realized how much I miss Stirling, Lyon Crescent, House 7, House 8....ahhh!! I'm anyways into the whole mode of missing Delhi since almost 3 and a half months now, so I've got used to it but Stirling I never knew I'll miss so much. The day after everybody's last exam we had such a nice time. I miss 'Fix You'.

*sigh* So how is London anyway?? I think I can fill pages writing about the whole 'nitty-gritty' of it but in a nutshell- London's good, I am a liiiiitttle uncomfy with the new people around, And I am not good at new company, I take ages to open up and get into 'conversation'. Meeting Gauravs (jiju) friends Shantanu and Anchal was fun. I am kiiinnnda looking forward for new years eve. I hope I get good drunk so people don't realize I'm there. One more thing, Indian Men (well at least some of them) with hard core British accent seem so gayyy!!! ugh!!

Christmas was great, we had a nice English Christmas dinner and I got loads of gifts, was overwhelmed but hehehehe--greedyy!!! thanks!!

Well, Another 9 days till I get back to Stirling. Another 3 days till I get to Cardiff. I know that later I will be looking back at these days and wondering how time flew but for now I wana get home. I wana be by myself, talk to neha, gaurav, mum n dad nicely. Till then I'm not doing much, just using, no! OVER-using my laptop, actually I need a life coz I'm popping into random peoples profiles. I cant believe I've had such loser friends in my college days, yuck!! How convenient has it become for people to be lame and selfish these days. lol. But I'm happy I have a few good friends with me still.

I guess its getting really long now and I need to find new templates for the blog.

laterrr (soon!!) *what an oxymoron*

ज़िन्दगी बड़ी होनी चाहिए, लम्बी नहीं!!!

Today I learnt new things about myself. I had my first exam here, I did prepare but it was a disaster, well thats what I think. Anyway, that gone I had newer things to deal with. I talked to Dad and till that moment I had never realised how much I love him. So much that theres no bound, I just love him (this is not new ofcourse but suddenly had this outburst going on). Mom is my sweetheart! I thought of all those times when I used to crib on small things and waste my days, life is so short to live all those moments. Each day something happens which is special. I don't think anyone should waste days.

If I havent still said enough, I wanna say again. I love you Mom and Dad!!!

Long time, yet again!!

There are a lot of things keeping me busy these days, seriously a lot of things! I did not have time to even think of stuff I could write in my blog, but since this is a part of my life now, decided to shell out at least 5 minutes to it today and obviously I am taking more time than that. Anyway, Stirling is treating me well. It snowwwweeeeeeeeeeeeddd here!!! awesome, amazing, lovely, etc etc. I'll add a pic too in the end of this blog.

Heard about Mumbai yesterday, felt so disgusted at those bloody damn terrorists, they should be handed over to the people and beaten to death. And bomb their home. kill everyone!

A few days ago I realised that I have indeed grown up here, as in learnt to deal with things. Trust me living alone helps. In the past, I had cribbed about things I had to let go, I did not think at those moments but what I think the most difficult thing to do is live without family, everything else is just nothing! Life really moves on. Somehow, I think I do not think as much as I used to back home, I used to eat my own head on small matters, here I don't, maybe coz I don't have much time and maybe no one is self-centered. I had made some wrong choices in choosing friends in my college, and because of that I had not realised that i gave up being 'ME'. People turned me into something else or maybe I never looked back at that time. Today is different, I know who I am and who I was.

-----
I am eagerly waiting for Neha and Gaurav to come here and visit me, we'll go nuts with shopping. Shoes, shoes and more shoes, I know she'll love it. I want Mom and Dad to come during my convocation.

The big news is- I am going to LONDON on 19th Dec, yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!. Christmas and New Years both there. Though I know I'll miss a hell lotta people these days but I think thats ok. But I wish Neha too was there. :-(
I miss my blog so much these days, as soon as my exams end, I'll revamp this whole place up. I'll put in a new template and I'll keep updating about london from there. yay, i'm so excited!!

later
*mwah*

oops I almost forgot, here is a picture of snow, from my room window

Its a new day everyday!

Most of the times I begin my blog by saying 'uh long time' but seriously haven't been writing so much. There is so much to say and so much to share.

Its so strange when at one point of time we sit and think how difficult things would get if this happens in our life. We all are so used to our lives that we cant perceive changes, we want our life to be like that. period.

But I never knew change could be so nice. It is important. I am saying this because I am loving the time I am spending in Stirling. Its new, its nice, its what I never thought could be. Though i miss home, ma and papa, neha and gaurav. Its hard but its ok. There are some people I wanna thank who taught me how to live when loved ones are not around, even if it was the hard way.

What i love about Stirling is that it has brought a change in me, I don't portray anything here, I don't have to make anyone happy, I don't have to pretend anything. I have left some things behind and I am walking a straight line here. I do feel bad for a few things I left behind. A friendship that was based on fragile grounds, though I miss it at times, was baseless- I didn't know. I didn't know a lot of things back then.

But its a new day, I wanna live every moment of it, who knows if they'll ever come back!?!

We do not remember days; we remember moments.
~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand

Cheers!!

I was just wondering the other day the time when I actually stood at the airport door and turned around to say BYE. I went in and knew I wont step back home in another year. THAT WAS IT!

Today, I realise how big that was!! Home is everything!

Its getting comfortable here, everyday. We had a Diwali party yesterday, it was nice, though I got pissed at one point of time. Some people just bullshit about any shit! But otherwise it was nice, Indian tradition!! And good Food!! Shit I'm gonna miss Diwali.... :-(

November is going to be hectic for me, I have so much work to do and so much study, exams are also nearing. crap! My sleep cycle is totally fucked up, I sleep at 3 am get up at 2 pm, or else if I have class at 9, I hardly sleep for 4 hrs a day, though I get a sound sleep. aaah!

Its good to experience the world all by yourself here, we see how people change in freedom, how some use it and some misuse it. How some flaunt what they don't even have, and some flaunt all they have. How some limit themselves to circumferences to be 'cool'. How some forget their nationalities and how some stand still. Its a strange world out here. But in the end, its all about how you are and how you see it! God knows whats happening! But I still like it, there are good people here as well.

so back to, cheers!!

2 months almost!

Can't believe how fast that was!

My frequency of blogging has become so low here, I don't get time. Not that I'm busy or something, and neither that I'm not, ugh (well I've recently come to know I've got this vivid foot in mouth syndrome, so sorry bout that). Anyway!

Its nice here, I like it but sometimes I get sad, I miss home! and sometimes I sing those lines from the song Yellow, 'when you get what you want, but not what you need'.

shit i dunno what else to write!!!!!

crap..

Down the line...

I almost complete 1 month here in Scotland and i don't even realise that. I talked to mom n dad that day, they said it seems as if you are gone for ages! For me? well, it seems time literally ran the fastest in my entire life. I have made some friends here and I am purposely not writing 'good' in front of it. Not because they are not good, but only because they are.

I just hope what I say does not change with perception (not necessarily mine). It might sound too soon to say this, but I'll cherish these days always.

I am getting to think these days that sometimes you know something that exists but you never cross your line and get to the core just because you want them to be realised by themselves. hmm! Lemme leave it just about there. I have a fragile mind.

It could be nice, I know that it 'would be'. But sometimes life is complex.

♥

Des-var-lecker (that was yummy!)

It’s good that I share my Uni accommodation with foodies. I really gel well with all of them, good people. Touch wood!!

It was a German food weekend. We had German starters, German main course and German alcohol with loads of German fun. Last weekend was Chinese. Maybe next week is Indian. I am a little lazy, oh boy!

I have become the ‘chana dal’ queen here and I’m gradually starting to cook it just like mom. I made Rainer taste it, the German housemate, he simply loved it. Everybody is curious here about India. Mark,, the Chinese guy, got scared when my pressure cooker whistled that day. Lol. Shine loves me, hehe, she keeps kissing me and keeps saying “Pleeyaanka! I love you”. Ok don’t get any ideas!!! She’s just adorable. Richard is nice as well, he doesn’t talk much.

I miss home a lot, I get so sad when I wonder that I won’t see mom n dad for 1 year. I so wish they come here. I want to go shopping with Neha here, she’ll love the place. Wanna go clubbing with Gaurav. Shit man I miss them!! I miss Kalkaji, Select city walk,, BIG CHILL!!!!

Anyway, I was bored a few days back here so I borrowed this ‘sho-shweet’ movie from a friend, Monster Inc. I hadn’t watched it before so got ma hands on it. Adorable again! Better than all animations I have watched.

It’s late, I have an early lecture tomorrow. So I’ll pack-up. Though this is a word doc as I don’t have 24 hr internet access, I just have to copy paste this file on the blog.

I know!!! I need a life.

Later

The Dusk and the Dawn


A window slightly open, a long glass of juice, despite the crappy cold, my hands smelling of lemon after the dishwash and here I am listening to an unknown song but loving it at the same time. It’s been long since I felt a sudden rush inside me, today is the day, maybe because I am alone and maybe because of something that paid me a visit unexpectedly. By visit I mean ‘in my mind’.

Something.

This something makes me write this way, obscured and blurred but also coming out exactly the way I want it to. At times I am okay with the whole idea of not speaking words that touch me deep down inside (deep deep down). There are some wishes I crave for, no bounds!

Today, there were some things said and I still behaved they were unheard, because it takes me back to square one. “I don’t wanna run away, I don’t wanna be alone”. I don’t know if all of this is making me sense but that is how I feel today.

When at times I look at the sun, I feel happy for the brightness but here I miss sunshine, I really do! From dusk till dawn, it’s all the same-glum! Trying to settle here and make a space comfortable for myself. I wish I stay happy here.

Happy sunshine to all those back in India.

P.S. - It’s really hard when someone comes and says ‘I miss you’.

The Heart of Scotland!

The day I reached this little county of Stirling, I freaked out and cried for almost 1 hour cribbing to have made such a crappy decision of studying so far off. The plane journey was nice; it almost made me overcome my fear (a lil bit), landing at London was nicer, then I got lost in the beauty when I took the drive from Edinburgh airport to Stirling. But I knew something is going to go wrong man!

The place is undoubtedly a heaven on earth, but it’s so damn quiet that the silence nearly kills you. I went up to my room and lost control, I wanted to run away as soon as possible. But then I heard some voices and I figured it was Hindi. I found almost 20-30 neighbours who are Indians and they’re all wonderful people. Then I gained a little strength to bear what I was about to tour.

So all the anxiety over, the University has took off, it’s an amazing campus and doesn’t really look like a college, it’s more of a café. I had my first induction interview with the course director, it went real well. I am eager to start with my classes which push off this Monday. It gets really exciting to live in a cottage and make your own food, do all the household chores. We go ‘Ration’ shopping together and we walk like 4 kms everyday. Phew! And everyday after dinner we guys make a point to meet up in someones house and chat since theres no other mode of entertainment left for any of us. Its fun!

I don’t’ really have internet at home but would soon get one but the campus is wi-fi and it’s easy to access internet in between lectures. We have a new fundoo way of learning here. Everythings online and that includes our lectures as well. Looking forward to all these new techno stuff.

So, everythings back on track and will write-up back soon!

Phoren..

Its time to say goodbye to New Delhi, to India, just for a while. Its so damn hard that I have been avoiding the whole ordeal to think about it. And I am putting my head into nonsensical things like Doomsday by LHC that has been buzzing around. I know nothing would happen, but I'm just thinking to keep my mind off other stuff. By the way according to India TV, Doomsday should have already happened. I sometimes feel like slapping that news channel, they create an unnecessary panic.

Hmm, so in 2 days from today I'll be in another country, actually in the plane ( I hate the idea of it too). Im going 'Phoren'. yay! Some padosi aunties were curious so they asked me beta kahan jaa rahe ho, I said Scotland UK...and they made confused faces wondering if I was going to two places at the same time.

Anyway, the news channels are going crazy with Doomsday news, I have heard so many dates when the world will end or was about to end. I think God will also get confused now. We know the certainty of our death is same every year, 1 in 365, what we don't know is the exact day. So we should all CHILL! We will only die when we overcome death. I actually saw this one some random forum so blabbed it out.

Otherwise in plain words, we are all too busy to die!

So saying goodbye to family and friends and all bloggers!
I'll catch up back soon.

Sayonaara.
BRB!

The 3 Mistakes of my life

I am reading this novel by Chetan Bhagat these days, and I am almost on the verge of finishing it. Its a fast read and pretty OK. I can call it good I think.

Chetan Bhagat has this whole flavour to his novels, I would always wanna wait for his next novel. This one is better than 'One night at a call centre' but not as good as "Five point Someone', but its still a good read. I think the way he writes stuff, he knows what people would wanna read so that makes his novels 'readable'. Sweet!

I don't think I have had any 3 mistakes in my life, well umm have obviously done stuff that has not been inside the jurisdiction of being 'right' but then I don't think I'd call em Mistakes big enough to freak me out. Crap, I have been such a Sharif ass till now! heh heh

Talking of novels, I did start reading 'Piece of cake' in between, but I had just given it up and then couldn't really pick it up again. So now this and the next one is a classic- Margaret Mitchell's "Gone with the wind'. Its a fat book, so will keep me involved for a long time period.

I wanna read Jane Eyre again. I have forgotten what it was all about.

later (listenin to Roop tera Mastana- hehe cute song)

Revelation....

LOL, this title will make this blog sound pretentious. But it is a big deal to me. :-(

I have given my family people a kind of a pleasant shock two days back. I was waiting for my admission to get final, waited for a scholarship, waited for my visa and broke the news. All are happy. Except me. Well, I'm happy to go and study but not happy because leaving family here is tough, and mum is like the most anxious mumma ever. Her face expression is like 'Chintamani'. Dad wants me to reach safely and he'll be fine. Hmm

So where am I heading? (making it half more pretentious to what it already was) I'm going to the University of Stirling in Scotland for media management. yay! but 'Mera Bharat Mahaan' coz I dont intend to settle abroad or something. I know half the people keep saying 'sab aise hi bolte hai' but me, strictly back after education and if i get to work for 1 year, great, but thats it! I love Home.

I leave this 13th and I have started collecting things as well for packing, packing is so sad and gloomy. But I'm looking forward to going there as well. I'll finally get to go to London too, the dream destination of Neha (my sis).

Anyway, I hope all goes well and make all proud.

later

Its Countdown time now.

Ah well, sad days are gonna come, but before that happy days are gonna come too as I'm gonna go crazy with shopping. I have started collecting things and have started dreaming about packing. Airports are sad. Planes are sadder. Turbulence is saddest.

I'm phobic of two places. Hospitals and Airplanes. Just crap to me. you can take me to any goddamn roller coaster I wont get scared, I can bungee jump too. but Airplanes NO! hate them. Hospitals I can still take but they give me so much gobar-panti. Sad stuff everywhere, the smell, the patients, the doctors the medicines. bad bad bad! I end up having a head ache. People go to hospitals to get better. I'll come out sicker!

I wanna die before anyone else too. Cant understand God's funda of life and death. And see, I just went a sentence back and changed 'God's' 'G' into caps. I'm impressing him! So he can help me bear a flight.

Spent some time at my sisters place, had so much fun, did things we have never done alone together. Though I know at the end of my stay I just pissed them off. Feeling so damn sorry. I'll try to be a better person with some missions strong in my head from now on. We saw the pursuit of happyness- amazing movie, Will Smith is just unbelievable. Loved it!

"You can only pursue happiness, you can never have it"

I have to do so much paperwork now, guess I'll leave. My internet is also exceeding its damn usage so I better take care of it and stop using it fr the month. Its so stupid using limited internet after been used to the unlimited one. its just temporary. I'm also gonna learn to cook some quickies. I'll miss home food.

Assorted


A lot is going to changed from now on, it'll reflect in here as well. I really have to leave Delhi in another month and I'm going to experience a new world out there. I'll miss home.

I don't really want to get sad right now so I'm not writing any details. Anyway, a lot has already changed as from the past few weeks I have realised few things in life which I should have realised like years ago, but better later than never ( I don't have a better one liner than this lame one so chipka diya). Though I did something to deal with it but felt guilty just in a second. That's the problem with me, I can't be a bitch! I dunno if I'm really complimenting myself or something here but ya that's the truth! So things have been dealt, my way!

If I really start penning down what the whole 'maajra' was, I'm sure if not Karan Johar, Ekta Kapoor would run for a script like this. But I really can't because this is not a private blog! And maybe I was overreacting as well on the whole thing because I seriously don't have space for all this. People can be so deceptive you know! I somehow feel that I end up doing right things at the wrong time and wrong things at the right time... phew!

Chalo jaane do...

I felt reallly bad for one of my good friend yesterday, she was hoping to get through Manchester University and really excited as well but something happened at the last moment and she has to wait when there's no time left. I hope she gets through and goes as well. Godbless!

I feel like changing my blog for a bit, now that my mind has eased free from the whole tension-oriented month. People tell me very often that I take too much tension. hmm maybe. I feel real bad when people are not happy with me. I curse myself then. *giggle*

I am not exactly bored by the look of my blog but I like change. I'll go find some stuff to entertain myself.

*mwah*

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Its 5:40 pm and its pitch dark outside. Dark grey clouds have fallen in love with Delhi or something, they are here to stay. Its scary and dark and eee!

I like rains but not so much, I hate lightening as well. It scares me but also thrills me at times.

I like one thing about blogging, I may not write for a long time and I sometimes feel 'what the hell' but when I do write I just get back in it and I love blogging all over again. So here I go with another blog in 2 days.


I just saw this flick on star movies..??..or was it HBO..??..whatever, I saw it- called Just my Luck with Lindsay Lohan and this good looking guy jiska naam nahi pata but he's gud. Anyway, cute flick, timepass. I like such flicks!

Also I have fallen in love with the lyrics of the song Fix you by Coldplay, old song but I just heard the lyrics with such concentration only a few days back. Also the guitar played in it is awesome!!!

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

When you love someone

but it goes to waste

COULD IT BE WORSE?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I have forgotten how to write...


Firstly, I have a huge shortage of time these days. Days run like anything, months fly like anything, I don't want this because time is going to be the most precious thing for me now. I might have to leave this city for my future study and that's painful, I've never lived apart from my family, New Delhi and my home-*makes a puppy face*!!!! But also looking at the lucrative education I'm going to have, it shouldn't bother me much. Anyway, that is also why I am blogging after ages. TIME.

So..... I'm having a little fun of my own these days. All these years of the boring me I decided to change for a bit, that is, for my good!! I'm just waiting to how it works out. Its been so funny for me to know certain things because I knew they were true in a way and now I'm sure they were. Its too ambiguous right now but I can't be more specific than this.

I don't have time for all this too but this is something I want to make happen. Apart from this I have to prepare lists of things, shop a lot etc etc. This is so gloomy. Some of my friends are going away too for study and counting that I'll have three good and old friends who live so far away. Gloomy again. Ugh!! Life doesnt give many good friends and I really want to keep them because friends matter to me.

I'm hungry...
tata

P.S.- I still think people don't understand me.

Saala Nautanki....


I might be writing this blog just for the heck of it coz I've not written one a vaaaaaryyy long time. ha ha so funny...

Wimbledon is over..ofcourse it is, the next one is about to begin now!!!!..heheheh. My results are out now I'm 'officially' a graduate. I'm not very happy with my result, umm not too sad either...I just want things to, pretty please, work out. Ugh!

O, I made pasta the other day, the non-bharta one (lol), just mixed matched a few stuff and it actually cooked well. I mean I could eat it! Talking of eating- theres this new ice cream place opened up near my place, and they have the best belgian chocolate ice cream.....whoooo!!! Its this creammmmy chocolate wid pieces of chocolate cake in it n all u cn do is slurrrrrppp it up!

The best thing- I finally went shopping to get me GOOD GLARES, thanks to Neha n Gaurav- they're just awesome!!!!! also a nice wallet.....happy time! There is some happy time that I think will come soon too, I just hope its true...so m waiting!

Enough Nautanki!...hey, Im sure everybody's watched RDB...sid's first n last dailogue in the flick was 'Nautanki Saala'..

Tata, birla, ambani
ciao

The Hots and Cutes of Wimbledon.....

Here's Janko Tipsarevic - with a new trend of wearing glasses while playing, he's got style!!!

Fernando Verdasco- people might not like him so much, but this guy can play!!!

Mario Ancic -he lost yesterday but it was sum fine watching for me..heh heh

Marat Safin - I didnt notice him till this years championship...he's gud!

All of em are out of the championship except Marat Safin, and I wanna see him beat Fedex...

Well I do watch their game too but now you'll know why I like Tennis so much...hehehehe!