Everything will be All right!!!!

When people say that 'Everything will be allright!!!' Do they really mean it or its just a saying that has become meaningless crap giving people a fraction of what- satisfaction??

Not really!

No one has said that to me..but I know that'll be what is supposed to be said...supposed!

I want to get involved in any ordeal to take me away from all of it- every bit of it! But all I have is a lot of void around me and this space makes me want to go back to where I hear my conscience say it over n over again- Everything will be alright!

Maybe coz I know it will not...

It is even more difficult because what I exactly wanna write I can't, because who I want this to read will not. And probably not get it too!

I will appreciate truth to make me sad than a pack of lies to make me happy.....or maybe it is not even the way I'm thinking it to be. It could be vice versa!

Not many people think I'm worth all that! (its a big shut up for me now)

This comes from a 20 yr old to be graduate

The above line doesn't give me any difference to sound like a 20 year old and neither a graduate. Life's so stupid!

The fact that COLLEGE finished gave me a huge scare before my last exam- it was like ---huh?? N i dun even feel m outta school yet. what crap! I called a very old friend yesterday, it was her birthday, to be clear cut precise- her 21st birthday. And I know as october comes people will call ME up on MY 21st birthday!! *frowning on teenage *. I always dreamed of being 18- nothing much about it but y'know how stereotyped 18 is....now its been 2 years its gone. I didnt mind 20 too. ah they're just numbers by the way (damage control).

I'm planning to join dance classes from 5th may...I just don't wanna sit idle. I wanted to join tennis as well- but one thing at a time..I dun wanna break my bones all at once. It'll be fun!!

I have a few entrances coming up for JNU. After I saw the campus I was like I wanna study ONLY here but nobody's gonna wait for me with an aarti plate there. I'll have to earn it. But who'll study for the entrances??? I will I know. Otherwise I'm nowhere.

I also want to work for a magazine for sometime. After a lil brainstorming I wondered that I could enjoy it as a profession! again no aarti thali there too for me! No one cares for humanity I tell you!

But I'm in love with my new haircut. I love the place where I got it cut from. The guy was faaaantasssstic! I'm going back there soon! Neha n me have to go to janpath soon to shop titsie bitsie stuff.. but the weather is crappy..

N dis blog sucks...what an update reminder.
Yawn..

later

I Keep Bleeding..Keep Keep Bleeding!!!

No I didn't fall off the stairs!
I heard Leona Lewis sing this song on A-Idol yesterday...loved it!
So I'm grooving to the beats of it.

My lassssssssst exam is stttttillll left!!! I DoOn't feel like writing anymore. I'm so full of Wisdom these days. I'm talking some pseudo-shit to people these days. Hung up with Literature.

Remembering from the title of the song.....
I had a really weird Dream-Nightmare last night. Someone was murdered or it was a suicide ( I have no idea who he was) and I was called for interrogation. There were blood spatters n some gruesome faces of people crying, there was a horse (no connection but I did see a horse). And finally I was haunted by a girl in the dream. Weird!!... coz the person murdered was a Boy.

The funniest part- a lady showed me a gun with which the suicide/murder was committed. It was orange in colour. seemed like a holi ki pichkari. LOL!!

But I was really scared when I woke up. I still remember the girl's face. Now I always have weird dreams of murder and apocalypse. Sometimes I see the whole world is burning, sometimes flooding, sometimes I'm running from people who wanna kill me. lol

चरसी!!!

I'm missing my blog these days. Have so much to blabbbb.....life's been intense in here. Intense in a very ironical way. Shut up Priyanka. uuh yeah!

I was reading a line from one of my contemporary poets in my course. It just connects to everybody. I liked the line.

"Love is so Short. Forgetting is so Long."

~Pablo Neruda from Tonight I can write~

The Best Teachers teach from the heart and not from the book. ~ Author unknown

It might sound like an exaggerated sentence but the one thing I have learnt in being a literature student is the amount of respect we build for knowledge, more precisely, Wisdom. And I didn't want to leave my college without paying thanks to a teacher who did teach from his heart. The immense knowledge he restores in him is not even the least in me but one day he said that I had potential.

So I thought that if nothing else, atleast I'll let him know that he is one of those teachers as in the afore said saying.

Priyanka: Hello Sir. i wanted to thank you once before college ends for all that you have taught and helped. I'll always look up to you as you have been the best teacher for me. Thank you sir.

Sir: Thanks a ton. I will always remember your inquisitive look and the use of online dictionary. I always wanted to tell you two things (1) "The golden rule is that there is no golden rule." In other words, one cant lay down rules for you. So when someone defies your potential tell them this (2) "Try to get what you like or you are forced to like, what you get" - Bernard Shaw.
Take care and be in touch.

Took a Time-0out!

Ha! it seems as if I'm applyin for IIT or something.

Anywayjj, its exam time, final exams of my final year in college. crap!

Been busy with books and some other things I'm not supposed to be doin a lot these days. watched Race- pretty nice!

My exams are in 12 days n Im reading a novel NOW. Frankenstein. I kinda excel in studying at the last moment so thats ok! as i say- ok!

dunno how to put the next sentence up but lemme try

Valued some stuff lately and devalued some other stuff lately. Can't really imagine the self-absorbedness of some paranoids. I also realise that the subservience part is true. But what some people think about it is also true and for once I do appreciate myself for this little thing about me that I help people minus the selfishness. Why don't some people get it?

Couldn't possibly have another interpretation of the above para. Its an initiative you see!

I have the habit of sounding confused all the time.

here I go again.

Books again. Ta!

System Failure


Nervous breakdowns, Anxiety..blah blah. College has ended, I just have to go for like 5-6 days for the giving exams and other paper stuff. That's it! I'm not cribbing for the end of college but yeah what lies ahead? I must have said this over and over again but its high time now and I'm almost losing my head, my patience everything.

Lemme not make it seem as if I'm suicidal or something. I'm F-I-N-E.

I finally finished The Kite Runner and I recommend it to all those who haven't read it. It's a must read. Now I have to concentrate on angrejji honors. bah!

Was in Haryana for holi. It was fun-ish. Of course I spent most of the time re-french-tipping my nails..lol. Which I don't usually do. I'm never one of those girls who own a huge make-up box and a huge collection of nail paints and stuff. But sometimes I do like it. I hate growing nails but when I get lazy and don't cut em for a long time I just do them nicely and get over it! I don't even have an eye mascara. Kajal is full stop for me. Even at parties.

Being back in Delhi feels good. I love Delhi. I wish we all had tees that said I love Delhi...hehe...I've gone crazy!

Later. isshttudy time!

All those who love summers...Clap your hands!!
Clap Clap Clap!


Was wanting to change my blog layout for so long and finally found one. It required a lot of hard work..phew

I have still not been able to finish The Kite Runner. I bet I'm one of the slowest readers in the world. But I think leisure reading is supposed to be slow. infact I enjoy reading at slow paces if I wanna enjoy. What fun is it when you buy a novel and finish it in like 2 days. I'd be regretting buying that novel coz after I'd be done with it, it'll just lie and get infested..hehe. I am saying this because once a novel which I had been longing to read was infested with termites. They ate the whole book!!! It was The Inscrutable Americans.

Me and my sis have lately added another 'item' to our shopping lists. Books!!!
We both loooooove shopping!! It's the best stress-buster, time-pass, fun etc etc. (ofcourse the financial needs should match up too. lol)
But we have been buying books and piling them to make our shelves look cute but also we want to read lots of em'. We both have been literature students (ya 'have been'...cuz i'll also be a 'have-been' after a month. whatever!) and so we love the wisdom. I mean whatever sense that could make.

I really have to go chappal shopping now. Summers are back!! Finally I get to be back to the 3/4ths, the tees, the kurtis, anklets and my fav CHAPPALS!!! Now I always wonder - isn't it boring for guys to miss all the fun of dressing up. All they do is jeans, tee and shoes or chappal. end of story! They don't get to innovate. girls have skirts, jeans, 3/4th, kurti and patiala, kolapuri's, accesories, bags, hairbands (which I think looks good only on selective people and soooo not on boys, I just hate when boys wear hairbands, even Abhishek Bachhan looks yuk in it)
But then boys should also innovate in their own way. They should try new things and just make sure they don't end up lookin sissy!

Cheers to Summers!
Try: Lemon Icetea at La Cafe- GK (baap of all Iceteas)
That's why I love summers so much!

91st Post!


Just read Dipti's Blog. The musical Tag was so much Fun. So I wanted to try it too
All you gotta do is open your winamp, I-tunes, etc and shuffle ur playlist. And every time you read a question keep playing the next tracks and you'll get the answer of your questions.
So here I go...


1. If someone asks, "Is this ok?", you say...?

Mora Saiyan- Fuzon
(Mora Saiyan moh se bole na- huh??)


2. What would best describe your personality?

Kinna Sona - Gunjan
(oh yes! kinna sona mainu rabb ne banaya)


3. What would you like in a guy?

Shine- Booty Luv
(Ya'll came here to give it up So come on and show me what you got It's about to be on baby non-stop Tonight you're gonna get your time to shine...Does make sense)


4. How do you feel today?

Best of Me- Bryan Adams
(and Best of me it issssss!!!)


5. What's your life's purpose?

Californication- Red Hot Chilli Peppers
(Oh well if i see myself as a socially active person then yup this does match up. I heard this song is condemning the deterioration of society..whatever)


6. What's your Motto?

Lukka chhuppi- RDB
(I don't mind playing hide and seek all my life. How convenient!)


7. What do your friends think of you?

Hero- Darren Hayes
('I don't wanna be your hero', only this time I WANNA be your hero. well at least I'm modest. eh??!!)


8. What do you think of your parents?

Bring me to life- Evanescence
(well they did bring me to life)


9. What do you think about very often?

Dupatta Beimaan re
(oookaayyy!! I wonder where the duppatta was in the video??)


10. What is 2+2?

Bhool Bhulaiya (Hare Raam Hare Krishna)
(it sure was back in 1st grade)


11. What do you think of your best friend?

I don't care- Ricky Martin
(That's what it says. heheh)


12. What do you think of a person you like?

Breathe- Anna Nalick
(Life’s like an hourglass glued to the table….
But my god its so beautiful when the boy smiles…Hmmm !!)


13. What is your life's story?

Globetrekker
(I love to travel for sure!)


14. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Chup chup ke- Bunty aur Babli
(Well I don't mind being Bunty or Babli till the cops catch me. Being rich is fun!)


15. What do you think when you see the person you like?

Don’t drop the bomb on me- Bryan Adams
(oh suuureeee!!!)


16. What do your parents think of you?

Me against the music- Britney Spears feat Madonna
(umm ok!)


17. What will you dance to at your wedding?

Numb/ Encore- Jay Z/ Linkin Park
( picture me dancing hip hop in a bridal lehenga)


18. What will they play at your funeral?

Marhaba- Janasheen
(I don't mind if you cry and sing this song. hihi)


19. What is your hobby/ interest?

Mann ki Lagan- Paap
(oyee hoyee)


20. What is your biggest secret?

I finally found someone- Bryan Adams and Barbara Streisand
(ahemm anchoo cough cough)


21. What do you think of your friends?

Jiya dhadhak dhadhak jaaye- Kalyug
(achhaaaaa???)


22. What do you post this as?

Stolen - Jay Sean
(lol. The idea sure is stolen. lol)

"They do nothing but thumb their prayer beads and recite a book written in a tongue they don't even understand..."

"...God help us all if Afghanistan ever falls into their hands."

...Baba (The Kite Runner- Khaled Hosseini)

Is this too difficult to interpret? I think not. Some people can't look beyond their own sermons and sayings. They can't open their eyes to feel the freshness, they can't accept what goes beyond. And those who do, makes them feel insecure and so they hold on more tightly!

Religion is not a crime but is neither yours to judge.

(weird coz I've written about God and religion far too much now but this dose was just for self-consolation coz the world is goin shittier by the day!)

Bland!

It's sunday! big deal...sunday my foot!

I'm kinda outta tune. Uninterested, crapped up, etc etc.
Not exactly a bad thing because I dunno why am I feeling this way. Maybe coz I was pissed yesterday and that got me know something new about me too. I'm dumb!

Anyways, lecturers are so stewwwpidd!!!! not all but this one who got me all arghhh yesterday, sure is! she is a bitch! Couldnt even wait a second for me to come despite me calling her thrice. bloody hell!

Today Sunday feels idiotic, useless and nonsense. Though I have made it productive by reading The Kite Runner at a good pace, I think I'll finish it today. It's a pretty novel. I'll write some sweet stuff from it but not now.

Two more days of college. Then its all over. Well, I don't care!
But yeah, me finishing college (read growing older)? Big Deal! And I care!
But I have good plans next.
1. I wanna complete a good eductaion, get a job, be financially independent, then Aish karo!
2. Get married to a rich guy. lol. Who can pay all my bills. Love? ya it'll do!
3. I guess number 2 explains it all!

Girls!!!! I tell you!
But number 1 is what I want. rest is hehehe!

Ahem..Later
Takes a good deal to enlighten my day!

Fewest of words, Nicest of things.

First of all something is really wrong with my blogger or my computer. Doesn't allow me to give spaces between paragraphs. Irritating.

Anyways, I just received an email. Cheered me up, made me happy. Been low since like a week now but just needed that bit of a.... 'Consolation?????'..err..okay I'll need the dictionary for this one...yeah thats it...'Comfort'!!!! lame word for a dictionary sooo....'Gratification'...per se!!

Missing some stuff too much. But I'm starting to get okay with it. have to.

Just saw Devil wears Prada (for the first time)..amazing flick. There are some strange noises in my home. seems like someone is squeaking the door or knocking. Strange coz no ones home. Okay now I'm scared!

Someone asked me of GOD today. I am not an atheist but I also don't believe that there is a 'kind-of God' but sometimes in peace I do talk to some unknown power and even though I don't get answered back, I tend to find a way to my problems. I love it. For me that is GOD.

I wanna ask this question to...umm...who ever who passes by my blog. Anyone. If you were told its your last day in the world and you're given the last chance of doing something-ANYTHING. what would it be?

P.S.- Not expecting a lotta comments but would love if some could reply. Also, add what do you think of God.

Expect the Unexpected.

The movie was not hyped. Infact eveyone said its gonna bomb but I think its one of the most beautiful movies I have seen.

The critics have gone totally crazy, they are selfish and they don't even deserve to be called critics. DT said that an emperor is doing a jig at his own wedding. Well open your eyes buddy, is that really a dance??? I'm shocked DT hires such people who calls that a boogie woogie. It's the magic of his God that enchants him, he dances because he is meditating and so are the others. Hrithik Roshan's acting is par excellence, he has worked hard and the role of Jalaluddin Muhammad Akbar is as charismatic as it should be. The places he has to be soft he is as soft as a feather but when he is a tyrant- nobody's business. Aishwarya Rai has acted well in limits, her independence and her want of freedom comes out well without making us feel it was unusual in 1500 BC.

The screenplay is not isolated, its into segments but Gowarikar has bound them and keeps the movie going on without exhausting the audience for 3 hours 20 minutes. The music is amazing, songs emerge only when required and the rest of the job is fulfilled by the background music fillers. The cinematography is beautiful- just one word. The sets, jewelry are already in news.

About the whole 'bawaal' going on about the film, only those are doing it who are unemployed and those who have no brains. Watch the movie with the spirit of just watching a movie. Its entertainment and not a reason to start bringing the dead alive. there is absolutely nothing controversial about it.

HAD TO PASTE IT HERE

AWwwwwW

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL!!!

Radio passtime!

Well, one of my latest passtimes has been listening to radio when I'm outta sleep and trust me nothing better than it. Why?? Because you'll hear all sorts and types and species of people coming up with their problems- so called! Love Guru, and stuff like that. lol

Anyways , some of them do have genuine problems but then calling someone you don't know? does it really help?

I'm Just curious about what to do here:

There was this girl who was in love with someone else and her parents engaged her to someone else. Her eldest sister was divorced and her other elder sister had problems with her marriage too (on the rocks types). Her father was outta job and bankrupt. Regarding all this she didn't have the courage to tell her parents that she didn't like the guy they decided for her. She wanted to marry the guy her parents thought for her coz she didn't wanna add to her parents' problems. Phew! I'm kinda sorry for her and I'm not making fun of her. Without any intentions I was just wondering how big problems are for people. I had just fought with a friend that day and I actually called him back to say that there are so many bigger problems to worry about and so many smaller things to thank God for.

I might sound really hindi filmi type but yeahhh I did that!

She had a solution for herself. She would marry the guy she didn't like and join a BPO job where she could stay outta the house. ???!!??!!!

I'm actually kinda avoiding songs on the radio too and this show I think on Meoww plays no songs during it. Sudden songs bring back sweet memories. I'm avoiding songs that could make me cry!

A suggestion: If you ever get to watch Sisterhood of travelling pants... Watch it! it's beautiful, not that its related to radio..its just a random suggestion. It's important for friends, for having friends!

Getting used to it.

Things have changed a as I write todays blog. Somewhere I wonder why I never write so much about it, also why I have never mentioned it. But again I really can't write it. Its a public blog.

No more running out receiving calls, no more eyes waiting on the cell phone display, No more interest in picking up the phone now- I sound as if I have lost my cellphone. lol.

But I'm hanging on.

Till then I have to do a lotta stuff.

Influenza

I have attempted to start this blog with a million lines, none of it looking good and none of it meaning what I really feel like writing. This is TAKE 15:

Year after year, change from a school to college, from college to professional places of work, have all taught me new things, made me learn myself, and lately I learnt something new about myself- My subservience...

There are some who know they can be influential and some who are no great shakes. I don't blame anyone for directing others on what's right or what's wrong. I don't blame anyone for circumscribing a definite set of convictions they feel is important for people to follow. I don't cry and crave all my life waiting for a helping hand to tell me why 'this and that' is happening in my life. I simply don't wait for stuff to happen. It happens.

I don't need a list of do's and don’ts to make me like someone. I don't need price banners and name-tags to rate people as wanted or unwanted. I don't see a self-stereotyped image in front of me waiting just for me to come and judge it. I don't hate someone and like them the next moment just because they did something that fell in my "do's" list. I don't like someone because they mentioned a few good words and hate them the next moment because they did something in my "don’ts" list.

It's pretty easy to be influential but it’s hard to require an influence.
It's not as easy as it looks.

I have been a rigid one when it comes making myself understand. Never had the guts to say what I want to, always been trying to make others comfortable- some who are influential and some no great shakes. It has indeed been my fault. My subservience. I don't really ask for compliance with me. Neither have I felt small in front of anyone, as the simple saying goes I am what I am. I was never this before, I was everything but distressing on simple small matters. Now I get thinking. Why??


Am I stupid? Does anyone even know me? Do I need a miracle to support me on something I wish, that someone is there? Will I always be the same me- nodding my head to what people say and following them so that everything is simple? Will I always look for a way without reason to show someone I am something too? Will I keep trying hard not to be me but everyone else around me so that one starts looking at me differently? Why doesn't doing something on my own make me feel proud? Why do I feel I'm nothing when I'm me? Does not writing what I really believe and writing what I see make all the difference for me? Will making others understand and does showing them I care makes everyone forget I need it the most? Do I need a conscience which is my best friend? Do I need to show the world that I'm something when I'm actually not? Do I have to confide in others to know about myself? I hope no one reads this part because I don't have the guts and understanding to answer these questions.
I am nothing but NOTHING.

There is a desire to shift towards something to change for the better. I don't need that desire. I intend to call it as synonymous with a disease, Influenza, because we have to learn to stand for ourselves. No one's your friend here. I despise those who think it's their world to make and break. Be yourself.

I need to be more of me now. It's time!
(P.S.- the last thing I wanted was this in yellow)

Mission succesful!

Thats what the Brownie cake seemed like and it was yum yum!!!
whoopieeeeeee

Anyways...lots been happenin lately. My cousins were over frm Mumbai and the whole week it was madness...late nights, open cards, housie....etc etc....
Missing Neha a lot!

Saw this Lindsay Lohan movie...I know who killed me. The effect? I couldn't even remember the name of the movie 2 hrs after watching it. It was pretty decent in the first half but I got lost in the second. Then came the time for a night out with two silent boxes...hmmph. No comments.

I wanna go shopping so bad...I'm rich these days!! hehe and its a sale season too....what else do I need. company!!!!!!! anyone interested????

I'd rather calm down now...and maybe come up with something better to write next time...

*yawn* seeya!!!

Happy Birthday Mommy!!!

I wanted to write the same song for her that I wrote before from TZP but its just a li'l too senti....n I don't wanna make myself and her cry!!

I am planning to bake her chocolate chip brownies, which I have never ever attempted to bake ever, they'll either be bad or they'll burn...lol. It's worth a try! She's high on sugar so she doesn't really get much of the sweet to eat...so I thought what the hell its her birthday and she loves brownies.

I just hope they bake well and yummy.....

AB KYA??

Have your hands ever ached after writing a 3 hour long exam?

It was freakin freezin cold on the 21st and writing non ishhtop and on top of that the silly invigilater couldn't even close the damn door....idiot!

But its over....thats what means the most.

Uske Baad...

I've been reading a bunch of frontlines, really wanna score well in the International relations exam from JNU- Ive kinda dreamed to be working in one of the embassies- seems too silly a saying right now but thats how it will begin. Aussie open is one of the fav things right now - Just saw this amazing player beat the number 2 seed, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga- gosh how amazing does he play!!

I wanna see him pound down Federer...eh!!!

Blogs? Ah well its been so long since I've written and even now nothing specific is on ma mind, I'm just writing and writing..

Most of all....

Lately, after being intimidated by the number of books we have read in our college times (even my college is goin to get past in another 3 months, how tht scares me to death) , me n Neha have suddenly got interested by them all over again- she has bought quite a number of em and has cutely laid em down in her bookshelf above her bed, makes you wanna read em more and buy em more....I'm serious!!!

But apart from that I think books are the most knowledgeable things, you can learn so much and it almost never makes you go outta touch of literature. Enough said.

Anyways I'm gonna start off with the bestseller now, heard so much about it and I hope I do read it with full interest. I have a bad habit of starting a novel and stopping it and starting it all over. The book is:

It isn't yet too late to read it, the second one is out too A Thousand Splendid Suns. Will read it after this one.

But the big question is still in my head. What now? Ab kya? what after 3 yrs of graduation are over.????

I'll be running mad soon!!!

Till then

Cya

02:48

That's the latest I've been wide awake for studying and I guess haven't ever studied beyond that..yeah even for boards!! Boards were useless. I think the real knowledge lies in reading literature and what comes in spiriting your mind with 'knowledge' is beyong words.

I have learnt a lot from literature, its so soothing at times- it tells you the most complicated of things in the simplest ways and sometimes beautifully. Sons and Lovers By Lawrence will be i think one of the best I've read till date and ofcourse Jane Eyre.

I was reading Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf that day, its not as bad as it seems and is hyped but takes a lot. I had no time to really finsh it since its just 4 days to exam time so fatafatfatafat..i had to finish it....i'll read it again after exams. But I took out this time to note down a few lines in my small blue diary about a solitary traveller, his motive and why does he wish to be ....a solitary traveller.

By conviction an atheist perhaps, he is taken by surprise with moments of extraordinary exaltation. Nothing exists outside us except a state of mind, he thinks; a desire for solace, for relief, for something outside, these miserable pigmies, these feeble, these ugly, these craven men and women.
Mrs Dalloway- Virginia Woolf

I loved this part!!!

I didn't exactly mean to dedicate a blog to literature but thats my state of mind these days...i don't wanna come outta the pile of books right now, I wanna enjoy it....

man I suck!!!

later... till I'm back in senses.